Interview by “D-Man,” CTF Inmate Correspondent
This past Monday, two men passed away. Same day, same prison, same building, and only hours apart.
The first man's name was Larry. Who was in first place in a twenty-man (one-and-done format) fantasy football league? He had served 41 years in prison for a conviction of 7 years to life. I do not know his story, but I am left wondering “who does?”. He had a heart attack in the line for morning chow. Fell down and never got back up. Is this article the only thing to remember him by? I just do not know.
Later on that same afternoon, only hours after the officers finally opened up the yard, we had another death. His name was August. He had served over 20 years in prison. I do not know why, but he was a kind and gentle man. He loved to bet on and watch PGA Golf, NASCAR, Football, Basketball, but mostly golf. He had severe health issues recently and was given an oxygen machine a few months ago. Is that his story? Did anyone ever ask him? If they did, I doubt it was written down.
I understand that not everyone thinks about “their story” and the value it holds. By learning and trying to convey the power of Cain’s story, I have now become aware of how important this task truly is. This week’s chapter, in the life of Cain, is a special edition.
Winding through Cain’s story are different threads. Pulling on one of the biggest of those, he always ends up in a gym. A few months ago, Cain and Junior began collaborating and planning a healing workshop with Empathy In Action. This is an outside non-profit organization that has been coming into CTF for some time.
The main part of their program is bringing in victims/survivors of violent crime. Mostly women, and they have a weekly group where the men incarcerated here come to share their stories. Empathy In Action is run by Megan McDrew. She is also a yoga instructor who has been coming weekly and leading a group of men in yoga practices. I attended my first class with her a few weeks ago in preparation for this story. I had a great experience. To see my left foot up by my right shoulder was new, felt good, and I will go back. It is a one-hour class in our yard’s gym on Tuesdays.
Cain uses the same gym for his holotropic breathing class on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday. So naturally, Megan and Cain talked about how they love helping the men here learn new ways to live. Using ancient healing techniques that share much in common. They asked Junior to write a proposal and presented it to the Captain of our facility. He approved said proposal, and the planning began.
The workshop was designated for a whole day in our gym and required men to sign up ahead of time. Megan said she had other women, who are a part of her Empathy In Action program, who also teach healing techniques. The plan soon became a four-hour healing workshop. One hour of Yoga, led by Megan, then one hour of Reiki healing, led by Maggie, followed by one hour of Holotropic breathing, led by Cain and Junior. Finally, a final hour of Meditation, led by Merry.
Some of you may have thought, “What is Reiki healing?”. I was unaware of this and was pleasantly surprised by the simplicity and power I felt from it. It is like holotropic breathing. It can be explained and not understood until attempted for oneself.
I have spent the last few weeks gathering interviews, pictures, and comments from the list of these leaders in our prison community. I am sharing this story for multiple reasons. First and most obvious is Cain and the threads of his life’s story we have been sharing for months now. I also have that “new” attitude for something enjoyable (Breathing, Yoga, Reiki, Meditation) that makes you want to share it with people.
Then I found out, Empathy In Action needs financial support to maintain their program. Just like all other nonprofits, the money has dried up from government cuts. I am putting a link here for anyone who wants to donate to a terrific cause. Check out the Empathy In Action Monterey Bay website and read about what they are doing for yourself.
Donate Now to this Incredibly Worthy Cause:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/save-empathy-in-action-transform-lives-through-compassion
With that, let me take you into our workshop. I noticed a sign-up sheet posted in the day room. It read, “Healing Workshop” and I saw that Cain’s “Ascension Breathing” class was running it. Easy decision, I signed up. Three weeks later, I got a pass in my door telling me I had gotten a spot in the class. It was going to be the following morning. I started drinking a lot of water and fasted that night. This is what Cain recommended we all should do before the event to maximize the effects. So I did.
The morning of the workshop was no breakfast, no coffee, just lots of water. I arrived at the gym around 8:30 am. There were lots of new faces and many familiar ones as well. Many guys had seen the same sign-up sheet I saw. Some of them, not knowing what they were in for, signed up when they read the word “healing”. There is a lot of brokenness in prison, and deep down, all the men here want some form of healing. Most are just unwilling to allow themselves that opportunity. Sometimes it is an inner feeling of shame that tells the inmate, “You are a bad person, you deserve pain”. Cain and Meagan understand that it is not true.
This workshop is to break those bonds and release these men who show up from their inner prison. This workshop shows these men how to break those bonds. Releasing them from the mental prison of low esteem, depression, isolation, confusion, or any other belief that a physical prison creates. These men have made a choice to seek change in their lives. Change for themselves, for the victims they created, for their families, and for the community they will be released into someday.
Around 60 men are coming through the two entrances to the gym. One door for each yard. Remember, each yard consists of around 1100 men. So 60 is just a beginning. Walking in, I notice all the yoga mats are spaced out around the gym. I find one in a corner next to a friend of mine. Set my water down to save my spot and instantly look for the cameraman. I have three picture tickets and want this documented to show you, the reader.
We get everyone rounded up for a group picture. Then everyone finds their mats, takes off their shoes, and we begin. Megan starts by thanking everyone for showing up. Then she introduces the other women. “Mary is a part of Empathy In Action and will be leading our meditation later on. Next is Maggie, who will be leading our Reiki healing, and next to her is Merry, our guest today. Who wanted to come and be a part of this experience?”.
Then Megan explains there is no wrong way to do yoga. She tells us to do what feels good, while still following the poses as closely as possible. Like many men here today, yoga is new in my life. I was surprised at the level of complexity some poses presented. Having followed Megan for sixty minutes, I found myself dripping sweat off my brow. Looking over at my buddy next to me, he had little puddles where his hands had been on our last pose. When speaking to Megan later on, she said, “We took just long enough of a break for a drink of water”.
Then Megan introduced Maggie. Maggie began by explaining Reiki healing. It is a way of giving energy and healing through light touches and the metaphysical transferring of energy. Maggie explained how she found Reiki. She was battling cancer and found it gave her the energy to get through that part of her life. She was passionate, and all the men were touched by her story.
My experience was positive, and I felt like her hands were super hot when she placed them on my forehead. All the men were lying down with their eyes closed. Maggie and the other women went around the circle for the next hour, transferring their energy into us. They used what looked like a Native American drum that had marbles in it. It made a noise like the wind or a waterfall of some sort. They used aromatherapy by spraying eucalyptus oil. It was quite pleasant compared to the usual smells of prison.
After an hour, we all sat up feeling grateful and processing the experience. Once again, I looked over to my friend and he gave me a thumbs up. We drink some water, and Cain begins. Cain has led the majority of the men in the gym in holotropic breathing at some point over the last few months. But for the women here today, this was their first time.
For the next hour, we breathe intensely in a one-two rhythm. The ayahuasca music is loud enough to take me on my journey. For those of you who have not read our previous Sunday’s With Cain episodes, I have described holotropic breathing a hundred different ways and always end up saying you have to try it to understand.
As the hour goes by, Cain and Junior go around the circle, encouraging people to keep working. This is usually a light tap between the eyes with an encouraging, familiar voice. “Surrender and keep pushing. Or you are doing good. Or we are going to stretch you out, just keep breathing deep”. That is when Cain and Junior will make one round around the circle. Stopping at each person and stretching you out.
This is done while you continue to breathe. Cain will grab you by the wrist, and Junior will grab your ankles. They pull you and stretch you to the point of almost lifting you off the mat. Holding each stretch for ten seconds and doing three stretches before moving to the next person. After a lap around the circle, Cain and Junior are covered in sweat, and their backs are killing them. I know, I helped one time. It is part of releasing the muscles that want to clench up from breathing so hard. Again, try it.
After about 40 minutes of breathing, Cain and Junior walk the circle, telling everyone to breathe normally now. That is when the journey begins. For the next 20 minutes, each person feels the effects of all that breathing. It is a powerful and enlightening 20 minutes like no other. I find myself slowing my mind down. Surrendering, I feel closer to my true self.
The person I have always been and never noticed. Me. Without pride, fear, doubt, shame, sadness, or anything that I normally tell myself I must feel. In that moment, it all goes away, and I am connected to something else. God, spirit, earth, ancestors, the universe? I do not know, but I like it and I always want more. I hope that was what our guest felt.
When everyone comes back from their journey, we drink some water, take bathroom breaks, and get back at it. The last hour is led by Merry. She leads us into the meditation as we lie down and surrender again. This next hour, the gym is quiet, and my mind is loud. I find my thoughts are relentless in their attack on my peace.
Merry and Megan are walking around with the rattle drum and eucalyptus again. I love that smell and find it helps to soften the noise in my head. Merry tells us to “be here now”, “do not think of the past or the future”, “feel your head, nose, lips, neck, shoulders, chest, stomach, hips, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, feet, toes.” This helps as well. I find myself mediating.
An hour goes by. We all sit up now. Some people remain meditating. But it has been a long four hours. I see groups of people gathering to discuss what we just experienced. I find my way over to Maggie and tell her how her story impacted me. I feel like she had a great time today. And I just wanted to tell her the Reiki healing was profound, and I felt her energy. Her smile is so big that it fills the gym.
I asked her how she liked the breathing. “I do not know if I was doing it right, but my hands got all tingly and I was not here for a few minutes”. I told her there is no wrong way to do it and that each time is different. I thanked her and told her I would be writing about this day.
Next, I found Kelly, who was Megan’s guest, and asked her how she liked it. “This was amazing and I am so glad I got to come today”. I thanked her for showing up and asked what she thought about the breathing. “Amazing, I was so dizzy afterwards, but I really want to try it again”. I thanked her and was off to find Merry.
When I introduced myself, I told her my mom's name is Mary. She said, “ya, but mine is M-E-R-R-Y. Like Christmas.” I thanked her for leading us on such a deep meditation and asked what wonderful smell that was she was spraying? “It is eucalyptus. Here.” (She pulls out the empty bottle and takes the top off, dropping the last couple drops in my hand). Thank you.
How did you like the breathing? “I really enjoyed it. I had never done that before and want to learn more about it. How did you like the meditation? It was a ‘Body Scan’. We start at the top and work our way down exploring our body”. I found it helped me to quiet my thoughts. I told her I was writing an article about today and gave her the web address to check out where it would be posted.
She asked, “Are you Irish?” Ya, my Mom’s maiden name is Hinckley from Hinckley County in Ireland (Editor’s Note: After a considerable amount of research into the name Hinckley and its origin, we believe that his mom’s maiden name is English and more than likely originated in the town of Hinckley in Leicestershire, England). Why? “Because the Irish love to write, and I see that in you”. I thanked her and walked off, amazed. How did she know?
I got the feeling that these women have been healers for many lifetimes. Or that they have done so much introspection. They can now see others for who they truly are as well.
Lastly, I found Megan. I had never talked to her before. I knew she led a group called Empathy In Action (which I am on the waiting list for), and I knew she led yoga classes on Tuesdays. So I introduced myself and thanked her for showing up and bringing these amazing women in here to help us. I informed her that I would be writing about today and asked if I could interview with her sometime before publication. She agreed.
After that, I found Cain. Hugged him and told him I would get his thoughts later as well. I found Junior and told him I would want a few words with him later, as well. Here are those interviews.
CAIN: ”I asked Cain if he had done yoga before? "Ya, I've done a lot of different types. Like Bikram yoga or hot yoga in Gilroy. I also have a really good friend named Trevor who used to come to AKA and lead yoga classes for the whole team".
Have you ever heard of or tried the Reiki Healing before? "Yes, one time I had found someone in the Bay Area who practices Reiki. I went there and they did a healing on me".
So then, how did Maggie do in our session? "I was still on my nine-day fast that day. When she came by me, she put her hand on my heart. It felt as though she was connected to me. Her hand felt like it penetrated my spirit. It was subtle, and you have to be aware or open to receiving the feeling, but it was there. Ya, Maggie did a wonderful job".
Is this something you plan on doing more of in the future? "I do want to learn more about it. I could see this being a part of something I do more often".
Let's talk about the holotropic breathing part of the workshop. This was the biggest group of people you have led through a breathing session. Was it too big? " No, I was so glad to see all the new faces for the first time; it was a great experience. Watching so many people breathe. Letting go of themselves, expectations, and connecting to something universal".
Is this about the group size you see yourself working with when you get out? "For sure, doing healing workshops like this is the plan".
Keys talk about Merry's meditation season. How was that for you? "I thought she was great. The eucalyptus spray had a calming effect. You don't get to smell too many good things in prison. So it was something blissful".
Have you ever meditated much before? " Every night since 2015, or early in the morning sometimes".
How did that start? "My friend Yari Rodriguez. He turned me on to Binaural Beats on YouTube. It's a frequency of sounds. I was on a road trip in Canada to go watch a friend fight. I had listened to the music and meditated together for my first time. My soul was spinning. Been doing it ever since”.
Is there anything else you want to say about the workshop? "I just want to thank the ladies that came in here. The day was a success, and we have plans to do this once a month moving forward".
Well, we all had a great experience, so thank you as well. We will talk again next week, maybe about your college days if that's alright? " Sure".
Junior: Later on, I caught up with Junior for a minute. When I asked him about the workshop, he said, "We had a sweat lodge right afterwards. It was more intense than usual. I had a vision. I went in asking for something, anything. I saw myself looking out from a cave. I saw three caves facing me. They were in the shape of a smile. Two caves up high, round like eyes. One big long one swooping like a smile. I think it was my ancestors smiling down on me. But, ya, the workshop was everything we hoped it would be. We're making plans to do it again next month".
I didn't have much time with Junior as he had to run off, but I got the impression he enjoyed the day as well.
Well, that's it from behind the fence. Thank you for reading these stories. I hope they bring you joy. I enjoy writing them. Until next week. Remember to Like, Share, and Follow."
Stand by Cain and order a Cain T-shirt and/or Sticker here on this website.
$5 from every shirt and $1 from every sticker sold goes to an awesome charity out of Scottsdale, Arizona, called Childhelp™. They are a well-vetted Cain approved charity that helps abused children.
